Today was my almost Sabbath!

Lately we have been talking in Internship about busyness and its relationship to burnout. It turns out that the most amazing men and women of God can fall into issues just because they spread themselves too thin. It also turns out that a lot of us interns are spread pretty thin too. But I refuse to burn out! So I had a big chunk of day free today, which I devoted to the idea of Sabbath - a rest from work and a trust that this rest is actually a form of worship. We work six days a week and rest on the seventh day. My idea of rest was having no plans and doing whatever seemed like a good idea at the time. My Sabbath included:

1.) Buying mascara. It turns out I'm a ridiculous girl and had no idea what to buy. So I bought something pretty much at random, and now my eyes look like I killed a spider and pasted it to my eyelids. Perfect.

2.) Driving home. Rocked out to "Would You Go with Me" by Josh Turner. Sorry, Ann. But when driving to nowhere, you need country.

3.) Dying my hair. It was pretty much a whim, but I've decided to be completely the person that I am, and the person that I am dyes her hair on a whim. This time it's black. Next time I hope it's pink.

4.) Playing the piano. I forgot that I know how to play 3 Ben Folds songs in their entirety! So today I remembered, and I played them. Playing the piano is arguably the most relaxing thing I do.

5.) Watching Runaway Bride. Sometimes you just want to be a girl, especially after you had no idea what kind of mascara to buy. So I watched it all the way through the credits, and for the first time I saw the part at the end where Julia Roberts and Richard Gere are playing in the snow. It was epic! Not epic when compared to the Ten Commandments, but few things are.

And that's been my day so far. Nothing happening, no plans. I could do this every week!

Good Sabbath

Lately I've been working on self-discipline. If you know me very much at all, then you know there's a lot of work to be done. I don't enjoy cleaning, being punctual, or going off by myself when there are amazing people that I could be hanging out with. And unfortunately I do enjoy being messy, procrastinating, and hanging out with people all day every day. So God's been calling me out on my behaviors.

The interns recently received the rod of correction to the seat of learning. Apparently we can be pretty messy. And apparently we can be pretty tardy. Both of those things are unacceptable to God, I'm thinking, because at the heart of these issues is lack of self-discipline. And God's already given us a spirit of self-discipline (or self control/sound mind), so all we have to do is utilize it. Not only so, but being messy in someone else's space (like a church building or your parents' house) really shows a lack of respect for that person whose space you are invading. And that's terrible! I would hate for my pastors or my parents to feel that I was disrespecting them. Likewise, lack of punctuality shows a complete disregard for the other person's time.

But the really hard one is not hanging out with a group of friends but rather retreating to be alone. That's hard! Now I'm not necessarily prone to being the center of attention in a group of people. And honestly, I'm way more of a small group person. But even so, if the opportunity arises to hang out with people, I'm there. It's hard to say no because I genuinely want to be there. But Jesus would go away from the crowd and be alone. He'd go away to pray. And if we really want to live out a walk that's worth anything, then we have to find time to be alone with God. I have to climb up the mountain every morning and every time He calls. Otherwise, it's not much of a relationship, it's just a religion. So unless I value being with God more than I value being with friends, then my priorities are off.

All this is easier said than done. But I think that self-discipline is doable, and somehow I'll do it! If I can be faithful in this little then maybe I can be faithful in much.

Two things. One, I love things that are wrapped in rice. Why is it that rice just makes everything better? It's like barbecue sauce but in a bland, grainy form. That's what I liked about China, while we're on the subject. A never-ending supply of rice. And a very small supply of skinny, terrified kittens.

Two, GU was glorious, as you can tell from this picture of myself, Corrinne, and Sierra. Donna Lasit was my favorite, as you would assume. Renee and Lynsey were my second favorite, as you would also assume, although in many ways far superior to Donna Lasit. Would she go late night water rafting with me? I don't think so! And my third favorite (because I'm anal retentive and like to numerically order my thoughts) has to be doing sweet tricks with Corinne off of the parking lot islands. Needless to say, we do ninja kicks like no one else. But it turns out it's pretty hard to jump, kick, and take a picture at the same time, so I give you this authentic bus photo instead!

Why is it that so many things in life just make this weird circle of never achieving anything? Let me clarify, as that was a long sentence and may have stumped you with its vagueness. In order to buy a car, you need to have money. In order to have money, you need to have a job. In order to have a job, you need to get a car. Do you see where I am going?

I have yet to apply for my degree. I have already met the necessary requirements, but in order to apply for my degree, I have to have a certain amount of money. In order to have that certain amount of money, I have to have a good paying job. In order to have that good paying job, I need the degree. Vicious circle.

But let's step back for a moment and get philosophical, because that is how I feel today. Philosophical. You can tell by the lack of fish face photos (sweet alliteration though, eh?). Why do we so badly need money? In order to impress our friends? In order to go to Applebee's with them every Wednesday or a movie with them every Friday? Friends who only exist in the realm of spending money may not be friends at all. It seems to me that friendship should exist outside the realm of any sort of money. If I am with my best friends, then it should be okay that I have no money. Not only so, but I should be able to spend as much time with them without the money as I would if I had money. But in my experience, when one has little income, then one has less time with their friends. I don't know if that's because the friends themselves stop inviting you to the activities that cost more - which doesn't necessarily seem likely unless it's a Ben Folds concert or something - or if it's that I (or that ambiguous hypothetical person with the low income) take myself out of a situation where people might feel obligated to pay for me.

While we're on the subject, money is the world's curse. May the Lord smite me with it, and may I never recover. Go watch Fiddler on the Roof. Now.

It seems to me that we rarely view things in the realm of reality. My perceptions of everything are skewed by... well by my perceptions, I guess, by my own emotions or insuffuciencies. I interpret a situation as positive or negative or welcoming or hostile. A group of people who are outgoing and fun-loving are often intimidating to me. Don't get me wrong, I am all for fun. But being less outgoing, I assume that said group is functioning perfectly without me, and I take myself out of the situation. But then that group could easily interpret my lack of interaction as anger or indifference or superiority - who knows? We are all led by our own perceptions, but our perceptions are not based on reality. Maybe if I let myself go and joined the group, in spite of my introverted, cautious nature, it would function at an even higher, more enjoyable level. And maybe they would interpret my participation as approval. Or maybe by stepping into that group, the functioning would decrease, and then I would know that it wasn't all that I thought it could be. Then I would be able to move on, without feeling left out.

I think we should stop judging each other so harshly and just be who we are. Afterall, I don't think it's possible for me to be anyone else.